], Allison by the way is one of my top ten, well you know. Yes I’m one of those who really isn’t into shades of grey, and besides shades of grey are just things not yet named. Apparently, we still have a lot of work to do.
Anyway, Allison from what little I gathered from the story is a nice enough person. So Allison, in a story titled Just Committed, which I presume is not meant to have a satirical self reflexive meaning, writes, it seems to me, approvingly of what she terms in the story, “shacking up.”
“Shacking up,” allowing for some poetic license, I would say is a little colloquially brusque for an objective narrative presentation, but perfectly applicable for underlining a subjective stance. Either narrative strategy I would argue is perfectly legitimate. Having her forthrightly reveal her leanings is commendable.
Now what I’m not so clear on is whether she received her inspiration for the story from a press release, and lets not bemoan this or that source for inspiration, some fine stories have been written from tawdry obscure sources, but anyway, I would say that a press release was the likely source, but this is a probability kind of thing, and so we must admit that it’s possible that she was inspired by regular life and so set out to do an advocacy story, or perhaps, most remotely, but possible, her editor asked for a piece on “shacking up,” and naturally, her affections shown through, naturally.
In any case we need not wonder why she approvingly quotes from Tammie Davis, 40, and Mike Swaney, 44, who, pardon the expression, are living together in a self defined loving relationship. I’m all in favor of loving relationships, and as it stands, more power to them. Yes, I would advise otherwise, but so it seems so would they. Fair is fair after all. At any rate, Allison does not give us any testimony from dissenters, people who have had lousy experiences in a “shacking up” relationship, but of course we know why.
So it is that Mr. Swaney is credited with saying, “for his part…he thinks he works harder at the relationship than he would if he were married.” Really? He needs to not have a piece of paper to keep his relationship intact? well isn’t that just another variation of “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love.” Well, however that may be we wish them the best.
Still, the whole point about “shacking up” is that it is easier to unshack than it is to divorce, yes? Otherwise, what’s the point. “What’s that you say? Something about adrenalin.” Hmm, not sure about that, but there is some truth, surely, especially over time, to the contradictory security that lies in imminent expectancy of catastrophe. Now why did I suddenly think of Global Warming? Hunh, well, never mind on that for now.
Lets see where was I, oh yes, there is a kind of emotional built in threat, which I suppose can be sublimated or some such, into a non-committal commitment--please please me, or if you don’t, I’m out the back Jack, making new plans Stan kind of thing, that remains a constant rhetorical dance ever playing. Could this apply to every non-committal commitment? Surely all life long commitments start out as non-committal commitments. We call them things like “going together,” at one stage, and at another we say, “engaged,” that sort of thing; now some feel this need to put the cart before the ox and live together, firstly, with the lastly goal being marriage, that is if all‘s well that ends well: If everything is just right--we’re going to the chapel and we’re going to get married.
Ah, that’s the problem isn’t it. Everything is never just right, if just right is a permanent sort of thing, anyway. Just right belongs to rationalism, and as we saw, well never mind. So marriage is the proverbial leap of faith, as it were, at least for the two so conjoined--more power to them--and, here’s the kicker, a public statement of private faith that reveals itself by private and public commitments being met, not least is stability, which can only be met if there are expectations. That is marriage is an adult world with all the attendant obligations, responsibilities, and dare I say it, rewards for work well done (of course relationships are work--every single one of them that’s worth its weight). Need it really be said that a society that doesn’t support the very structure that supports it, marriage between a man and a woman, has gone insane, rationally or otherwise.
But to continue with Allison’s story on the perpetual state of making plans to leave, as the binding structure of non-committal relationships, dutifully, she gives us statistics by some organization that calls itself the Alternatives to Marriage Project. According to them as stated by Allison, “Living together without being married – or cohabiting – increased tenfold between 1960 and 2000. Okay, and I’ll not bore you with the rest, but will not surprise you with 40% of babies born out of wedlock are the product of non-committal relationships--“what’s that? you object to the term? Well what else do you call a one-foot-in and one-foot-out non-commitment?” Hmm, come to think of it where are the other 60% born?
Knowing this was agenda journalism I knew not to expect, dutifully, any contextual statistics regarding the well known increases in teenage pregnancy, crime, drug addiction, gang membership, gang crime, failed students and so forth. Now it’s true that these and other social pathologies are more generally equated with broken homes, single parent homes, and the like, but then unshacking lays the perfect foundation, don’t cha think.
Now to step outside the boundaries of Allison’s story for a second, though not much, as it is dutifully mentioned in the By The Numbers column, divorce is the big shadow that disparagers of marriage routinely trot out as some kind of self evident rationale of something or other: one-foot-out-the-door non-commitment being one such. Anyway, and I doubt I can fault the writer or editor over much, but I would certainly like to see statistics on “shacking up” per unit. That is how many such relationships do individuals find themselves, and how many last a life time, how long on average, in fact do they last, and how many children are the products of non-committal commitments, and just how are those children fairing, and not anecdotally, but with all the attendant messy facts. Any guesses?
Of course divorce is a remedy that at times must be taken, but then too it might be a remedy too easily taken too often. So the question, naturally, do too many use it as a remedy for something else that actually needs addressing? Notwithstanding, I’ll agree with you each and every marriage is an individual couple thing, and there are things we just can’t know--boy that comes up a lot doesn’t it. In any case it seems there are too many not towing the mark and walking the line for all the wrong reasons.
So it is that every problem must have a solution, that’s a staple of sales, fundraising and agenda driven journalism. The problem and solution in Allison’s story should come as no surprise:
“Swaney and Davis [the center piece couple of Allison’s story] say the only thing missing is the opportunity to register with the state as domestic partners. If they could, then Swaney, who is a state employee, could cover Davis' kids under his health insurance. Right now, the registry allows same-sex couples of any age (over 18) to sign up, but heterosexual couples must be 62 or older.”
So I guess society is to pick up the bill for people unwilling to commit to each other, and surprise, for their children, who are the emblems of their non-commitment. And in return we get, our society receives? Scorn, or rather, instability as an institution deserving of taxpayer subsidy. Did I say scorn, what else would you call institutionalizing ever more firmly social pathology as the staple norm of society. So our fellow citizens, being unwilling to support society with a public ceremony intoning their obligations and commitments, say obligations are a one way street.
And what does Sen. Carole Migden, D-San Francisco say about the solution [mostly paraphrased by Allison]:
The “original 1999 legislation created the registry, [Sen. Carole Migden] says changing it to include all adults has always been part of her plan, but that politically it had to be accomplished by taking ‘baby steps.’ Then Gov. Gray Davis insisted the registry be restricted primarily to the gay and lesbian community, Migden said, adding, ‘He believed there should be no disincentive to marriage.’”
Would certainly be interesting to know why the Governor said what he said, and what exactly was meant by “primarily.”
There you have it; in the words of Progressives, who have largely taken over the Democratic Party. The idea is to undermine marriage by whatever means necessary--using cause celeb, so called civil rights issues here, by using incentives, government power, to not marry, there. Progressives want to use “baby steps.” Something wrong, somehow, with that figure of speech I think.
Note: I’m not against the citizens of this state or any other deciding what kind of social contracts, buttressed by law, should be allowed. However, I am against progressives trying to rewrite biology and the essential fact that the nuclear family, from which marriage as a term is defined, not the other way around, is the primary biological unit that ensures future generations. I will not be in favor of anything that undermines the nuclear family. It’s insane to do so. Society is the event given the privilege of existence by way of the nuclear family, and as such society owes the nuclear family its raison d’etre, and thus has no greater value, charge, than protecting, securing, and helping the nuclear family to thrive.
So the question is why do progressives ever since FDR’s day believe that undermining the nuclear family is an imperative? Simple, the family is the source of the authority that checks government’s prerogative. Weaken that and then the progress promised by progressive rationalism, unhinged by service to anything but its own self image, can prevail.
“What’s that? Oh, you’ve had enough of all this, and you want to know which guy left and which remained. Isn’t that a silly question? You already know the answer."